Without judgement but with sadness in my heart, I often read messages by women asking for help in various parts of their relationships, lives or careers.
“Does your husband help with the kids?”
“How much money are you allocated to maintain house / groceries?”
“I live with my partner and our kids, but he just goes to work and comes home and ignores us to play video games, does this happen to anyone else?”
Or this one which gives me goosebumps;
“What work from home jobs does everyone do? I’m trying to make some extra money so I can but the kids clothes as my husband won’t allow me to access our bank account.”
I am sure there are men who equally ask the reverse questions about their partners too. Equity with equality works both ways. This isn’t an article intended on bashing men. Far from it.
When I work with women, often one of the first problems they identify is the lack of say they have in elements of their lives.
- No say over finances, (or access to)
- No control over the hours they work or the job they can do
- No input into any part of their daily lives
- No idea what they want to ‘do’ or how to get there if they have identified their dream.
When power and equity is removed from our lives (or even an element of it), control is lost, we become trapped in our situation. Our self-esteem and self-worth suffer. The little people we role model for, watch our behaviours intently and shape themselves based on the version of us they see.
My goal is to work through each element identified and determine what is required to bring back the balance of control to the client. Bargaining power in our lives if you will.
This may start with tangible elements such as career planning and time management tools, but often requires work on confidence and self esteem and knowing what elements of our lives we can bring back control.
I define equity, not as 50/50 equality, but as 50/50 equity across ALL parts of the relationship. It is the balance in knowing and accepting who is stronger in some areas and allowing them to lead, but knowing the other can take the lead in other areas. It is accepting the other is your equal, and allowing give and take so the balance moves back and forth depending on the circumstances.
So my challenge for you today, pick an element of your life, and determine what changes you can make to bring back the balance of bargaining power and control to your side.
Determine your plan and stick to it!
Let me know how you go!
TO learn more about our program that is tailored to women, please click HERE or get in contact