I have been given permission from a wonderful client to use her story as a case study.
TRIGGER WARNING: Subject contains references to emotional and financial abuse
Names have been changed to protect those involved.
Sarah* had been a career driven prior to getting married to John. She had a secure job with a comfortable income. There was equality and equity in her relationship as both were equal workers with similar incomes.
Fast forward, 10 years, they have three children. John works full time. Sarah doesn’t. She has raised the children, been unable to find work that gives her work life balance, and that original high paying corporate job she had, it was her first out of high school. All her qualifications and experience were tied to one employer. She nor her employer, ever invested in her to do formal RTO training courses or study. All her work, experience and unofficial qualifications were tied to one employer.
This made it difficult to find a job that would cover childcare costs.
Fast forward another 5 years, John didn’t manage the family finances well and as she didn’t contribute financially, Sarah didn’t have any input. The family found themselves close to bankruptcy. Cars repossessed, mortgage repayments behind, and much more stress.
Sarah then began to realise she had spent most of her married life on the receiving end of financial and emotional abuse.
Sarah separated from John and began to take elements of her life back. The kids were now at school, so she was able to take some control back of her hours and employment opportunities.
She was also able to take power off her ex and regain her confidence. When the abusive messages came through, Sarah had done the self-work with her coach and therapist and was able to respond in a manner that did not give power to her ex and his narcissistic behaviours. By refusing to be triggered, she was essentially able to “disarm” John. He no longer held the bargaining power and control.
While it took consistency and time, piece by piece Sarah was able to focus on segments of her life where she had lost control and equity, and gradually took them all back.
Sarah now has an agreeable co-parenting arrangement with her ex. She works part time consistent hours and manages her own finances. She was able to save and pay cash for her own car.
Most importantly, she can recognise and identify when any element of her life is losing power in equity and take steps to ensure it stays balanced.
To learn more about our programs click HERE
If you or someone you know requires help:
Call 000 if in immediate danger
Safe Steps 1800 015 188
1800Respect 1800 737 732
Other Organisations;
White Ribbon Australia
Orange Door
Friends with Dignity
RizeUp Australia
Berry Street